Wasted Lives

Two 19 year old freshman boys. Burnt in a car while on the way to meet friends. They were on vacation from college. One of the obituary contain this poem:

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn rain,
When you awake in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.

I can't imagine what it will do to me to lose a child so tragically. Will I go to the deep end. Will the pain bring me to have another period of doubting God's existence? Today I told my bible study group that trials and sufferings perfected our faith in God. Knowing that, will I willingly submit if God asks for one of my children as the price? I pray it will not come to that.

Mother Teresa

In Strait Times' August 27th 2007 edition, page 12, I spotted an article titled "Mother Teresa's letters reveal crises of faith." In her periods of doubt, she felt lonely, empty, tortured, pain and overcome by darkness. Considering the kind of poverty, misery and depravity she encountered every day, it's no wonder her battle lasted for so long. I hope in the end she regained her faith in God.

The life of those who lost faith is pitiful indeed. I can't imagine going through it over 50 years of your life even though, I believe, it may be a chronic ordeal thing for her. I had my period of doubt spanning for about 6 months which was precipitated by the death of a beloved aunt. I went crazy. Life lost its meaning. Depression was not too far off. If not for a visiting college professor, Dr Alvin Plantingga, I would not know how to find my faith in God again. This is what he said if my memory serves me well: that no amount of theological or philosophical defense of theism can bring anybody to faith for it is only by the work of the Holy Spirit that one come to Christ. Therefore, he advised, do not put out the spirit's fire which should be burning no matter how dimly in has become.

Negative

What does a negative sign do to a mathematical equation? It changes everything 180 degrees. What’s positive becomes negative and vice versa. Over the years, there is negative sign hovering in our lives, waiting for the right moment to paunch and reverse everything. It often happens when someone you trusted wholeheartedly lies to you. Or when a long held and hoped for promise is broken. When a hovering negative sign landed, one become confused and the need to reevaluate the past become an arduous and emotional task.

What is one to do when a negative sign landed in front of positive feelings you have stored with regard to a family member? It takes one wrong comment to destroy years of good relationship. Relationship between family members often is the most tenuous one. How does one remove the big ugly negative sign in our lives? Forgive and forget. Unfortunately, family is the hardest people to forgive. What to do then?

Ask for God’s mercy. Because it is only through God’s mercy forgiving others become possible. Unforgiveness is a sign of defeat. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21)

Poor Relation

It’s hard to be poor. It is hardest to be a poor relation. You are bound to take a beating time after time. During family photo taking, you, your spouse and your children will be relegated to the far corner of the picture, well away from the honorable centre, closest to the patriarch and matriarch. You are the last person acknowledged in family gatherings. Often, greeting is given just as an after thought. On wedding banquets, your table assignment reflects clearly your status as the poor relation. You are often seated with the host’s employees, way at the back of the function room. You receive the smallest and the least of value gift. Sometime, even a second hand gift is considered too good for you. In another word, you are given the scrap.

It is often said, the most valuable gift is the gift of time. When you are a poor relation, you are never given any time of the day. Even your gift offering of your time is considered an imposition. When your rich relations pass over your town, they won’t seek you unless you can be in service to them. As a poor relation, you are not entitled to feel hurt when wronged. “Don’t be too sensitive over such a small matter,” another rich relation will admonish you. When you are the poor relation, rich relatives, impositions are sent your way first. God forbid that they will trouble other rich relatives who has more resources to fulfill the need. Hence, a poor relation is often considered no more than servants at their beck and call. The poor relation is supposed to feel honored to be considered at all.

Know one's place

What does it mean to know one’s place? The obvious is to not initiate contact with those of higher position without valid reason. For example is an encounter between a well to do Indonesian condo residence and an Indonesian foreign worker. The worker felt emboldened to approach the wealthy Indonesian after overhearing Bahasa Indonesia spoken on passing. His only reason for contact was just to establish camaraderie obviously.

Little did he know that he is stepping out of social boundaries acceptable in Asian society where class, strata or position are determined by complex rules. Your net worth, type of housing, race, education and income is just a few obvious one. Individuals decide what mix of variables they will apply when they devise the class system. Some might consider education as the only supreme deciding factor. Yet for others one’s alma mater is more important. Some might choose a blend of education and type of housing. Being wealthy may not get you to your desired place because still others see only the age of the wealth that’s important. Like fine wine, the older the better. It’s no wonder it is not easy to form lasting friendship because of this mentality. The sense of being assessed is emanated during unofficial encounters. Position is mentally evaluated as one become richer or poorer, moves from one neighborhood to another, or attains a higher degree or higher position in the workplace. That position sometime is not a guaranteed one as the other party might move up faster than the other.

Because of this, relating to others is like embarking on a minefield. One wrong step can hurt and embarrassed a person. In this highly competitive world, it is natural to want to reach up. Many seek the connection to people from higher up in business, academic, government, and in a church organization as well.

Christians are not immune to this mentality. In addition to the usual pitfalls, in the church, the strata are also determined, to name a few, by level of church service, financial contribution, and very often outward spirituality (meaning the ability to explain the bible, locate bible verses and pray audibly with eloquence). Often though, status in church is determined by how close you are to the senior pastor’s inner circle. Christian brotherly love is dispensed of discriminately based on the strata making us a stumbling block to others.

Some of you may have the experience of being left out, slighted, looked upon as lower in status, forgotten, excluded, neglected, ignored, patronized, or forsaken. And you asked, “Where is the love?” Some of you choose to keep to yourselves and hence lead friendless and disconnected lives. The questions one should ask are these: Do you know your place? Have you overstepped the boundary? Have you act humbly, consider nothing of yourself and be of service to others? How gracious are you in overlooking others’ boundary overstepping offence and shower the person with unreserved Christian brotherly love?Where is the love? The bible says that we are to love one another because this love is our trade mark and selling point. If latest heart scan technology can determine how much and how well spread our love for others is, what will it say? All around love for all God’s creation or discriminating love dispensed only to only select few who are of the same position, same race, or just deserving?

Remember God’s greatest law? Love God and love others.