Guinea Pig

Who wants to be a guinea pig? No one, especially a guinea pig to a psychologist in training. You do not want to have these pseudo professional messing your head. They might not know how to put it back together. It was through sheer luck that we located a husband and wife couple to take the temperament analysis last year. I wonder if we had messed up their life.

As an Educational Psych tract student I need subjects for IQ tests and literacy tests. It's not easy. I wonder how the Counseling tract people are managing since they have to administer MMPI, the diagnostic tool for mental disorder. Scary. I wouldn't want to take MMPI. What if it reveals I am a borderline neurotic and psychotic. After all, I believe in God and that Jesus' blood shed on the cross more than 2000 years ago can atone for my sins. I also believe that God continue to speak to me through the the holy spirit. I happen to believe that the devil's work on earth is real and it is prowling around like a lion ready to devour Christians who are not alert.

End of holiday

My holiday is officially over tonight. Tomorrow is the first day of class. What have I done during the long break? I didn't get to do the literature research I promised myself to do for my thesis. That's the biggest failure of the season, I guess. But I've done plenty:

1. Pampering my family with daily chauffeuring services.
2. Home cooked lunch and dinner almost daily.
3. Five days of cooking for 600 VBS kids and volunteers.
4. Scanning my children's pre-digital photos. Yea ... all done.
5. Learn to export and import (files).
6. Migrate to gmail.
7. Went to see a doctor for health check (1st time in 11 years, uugh dreading that for years)
8. Made a simple scrapbook for Daniel.
9. Hosted Women Enrichment Ministry's Summer coffee at my house.
10. Hosted luncheon for my former cell group mates.
11. Went for long coffee with Chihiro.
12. Going to airport to pick up and send relatives (How many times? Lost count already)
13. Be a part of the new GKY in Singapore.
    
14. Redecorate the balcony with new plants and new upholstery.
15. Survive 1 month without a part time cleaner. (Found out that Natasha can iron her own clothes:) and Daniel doesn't care much about ironed clothes)
    
16. Went out for lunch with Leony and Kevin.
17. Spent the whole morning talking with Elly (a friend who is visiting from Indonesia).
18. Had lunch with Elly.
19. Brought Lilies and her two interesting daughters sight seeing in Singapore.
20. Read lots of trashy novels.
21. Read Scott F. Fitzgerald's "The Rich Boy" and "The Popular Girl" (I hope someday my kids will read these)
22. Increase my level of intensity on the treadmill. (Incline at 5.0 yea..)
23. Come to terms with some life issues.
24. Watch lots of FOX news and Hallmark movies.
25. Birth day party for Daniel (today!)
    

So you see, I did plenty after all. Including the VBS participants and the ladies who came for coffee and luncheon, I'd say I had touched at least 650 people with goodness and graciousness. Ha ha ha... what a nice way to say I've done nothing much for almost three months.

A link to the past

One of the thing I gain by going to GKY is a link between the past and the present. It's something I did not have for the past 21 years. Many of the people in GKY Singapore are so interconnected to our past. Here are people we met that can link us back to where we came from.

• There is a young lady who is my youth adviser grown up daughter. In fact, 20+ years ago, we lamented the adviser resignation because of the impending birth of this girl. And now I get to see the baby that cost us a great mentor.
• The son of the man who gave my husband his first job is also attending the church. The boy's father come over for visits from time to time.
• Another young man is a brother in law to our friends from Semarang.
• An old family friend came for worship while visiting Singapore.

I don't know how many more connections I'll make but the bottom line is, at GKY making connection is effortless. There is nothing wrong with the desire to connect to other people. But should that be the main criteria in choosing a church? I chose IBC because of it's children and youth program. It is for the same reason my children will remain there. What now?

Where I belong

Recently, the church my husband and I were associated with in Jakarta started a church in Singapore. My intention was to just visit the church once in a while. Maybe once a month so we can drop off some offerings to support the ministry. We have been going to the church every week since its inaugural service. We are now torn between two churches. IBC has been where we have been worshiping and serving for the past 9 years. It is also the church where my children came to know Christ. There is a lot of memories there. It is true though, that despite the number of years we spent there, we somehow failed to develop fast and lasting relationship with another Christian. The cell group I belong to, has disbanded. The women bible study group I was in for 2 years remain just that: people you see once a week for the duration of the class. In short, we never feel truly belong.

These past month of attending GKY gave us a sense of fellowship. The people at GKY truly gave out the message of "Hey, you belong here. Come, join us. You are one of us. " You are never brushed off and made to feel like an interloper.

Why the sudden attack of deep sense of not belonging? Why, after 21 years overseas, the need to belong become stronger? I have lived in Michigan, Colorado, Florida, Taiwan and now Singapore. All along, I never considered going to an Indonesian church. Local church is my first choice because that's Christians should be able to overlook past our differences, shouldn't we?

One of the thing that weigh on my mind is that until now I still don't know whose name to write for emergency contact. When emergency or disaster truly strike, where would help come from? When at Calvin, I had room mates, dorm mates, and inter-varsity fellowship friends. In Boulder, I had the Lumbantoruan, Marianne, Jill, Marcia, and Monna. In Florida, we had Stefanus' colleague and Kelly Meo, our neighbor. In Singapore, we had a bunch of acquaintances, but none that we are close enough to call upon in time of need.

Is it because in the past 10 years, we have been too wrapped up with ourselves? Not so.
Is it because we have not engage in self promotion that we've become forgettable personalities? Maybe.

I sometimes wonder if it is God who is at work, making me acutely feel a human need I have never bothered to consider in the past 21 years because he wants us to be part of GKY's ministry. It's possible.

Am I giving up the idea of a multiculturalism in the church? It will seem so if I leave IBC. What a defeat.

Is it time to move on?

For the past 9 years, my family has been worshiping at IBC. My involvement was in a small way here and there. I made casual friends. The friends I made certainly are not the kind I could call for to help me move house or drive me to the airport. After nine years, I still cannot use one of my church friends as emergency contact. You know, one of those "in case of emergency and you cannot be contacted" space you need to put in when you fill up forms for your doctor, the hospital, children's school and day care? I always put in my family in Indonesia. My heart is screaming. This is not right. We have lived here for 10 years now. Nine years of those Sundays spent in the same church, but we still have nobody that we can call upon in case of emergency? Something is definitely wrong here.

It is one of the reason why I am giving GKY a try. May be in this church, where everybody is some how connected to GKY, things will change. It is sad though, isn't it. I am a firm believer of one body of believer under God. I see the beauty of worshiping God with people of all nations and tongues. Of the 21 years I've lived overseas, I've always avoided going to an Indonesian church. I am all for pluralism. I do not approve the segmentation of churches along racial, ethnic, and nationality lines. Is this the defeat of pluralism in the church? What is God's desire for his bride, the church?

What went wrong? What did I do wrong? I certainly will ponder upon these questions
from now on.