Fathers

I have two fathers who seem to be in conflict with one another with regards to what I should do with my life. Both wants what's best for me. Both love me very much. My father who art in Indonesia wanted me to have a secure and easy live under his wing. He promises a nice house on the hill overlooking the city, a new car every several years , new clothes anytime I want, and and guaranteed livelihood for as long as he lives. I have to work for it of course and it means I have to work for him. He promises easy life as long as I obey his commands.

My father who art in heaven wanted me to go with him on an adventure trip. I will get to sail on calm waters one time and rough water the next, climb mountains and seek that beautiful vista on top, track through they jungle and savanna and have a personal encounter with the lions, tigers, giraffes and others. He said the trip is not pleasant at times and it can be dangerous and tiring but I will have to believe that he is right beside me and will not let anything I cannot handle to overcome me.

If you're a girl in your early twenties, fresh out of college with not much work experience, who would you choose?

Seventeen years have passed since I had to make that choice to follow my Father in heaven. Just as he promised, the journey is not easy. For years I only bought 'on special' items when grocery shopping. My babies wore second hand clothes when they were born. I don't get to own my first brand new car until year 10 of the journey when my brothers and sister had changed cars twice. By the time we bought our first house, their mortgage is almost paid off. Life seems hard, but my Father in heaven always deliver on the promise that he is right beside me and showed me the beautiful vista, the calm waters, and the dangerous wild animals. The day can be tiring but he gave me a restful night sleep. Every day, I woke up fresh and recharged, ready for the next adventure in store.

Well, it turned out that live following my other father would not have turned out as smooth as promised. During the pass 17 years, my father had his hard earned profit wiped out twice, once during the Asian economic crisis and the other when one of my brothers mismanaged the business.

I am glad that I chose the father who laid down the foundation of this world, and who knitted me while I was in my mother's womb. He knows what in store in the future and he knows my dreams and my fears. I feel secure.

The color blind christian?

This is a quote from "Sophie and the rising sun" by Augusta Trobaugh.

"... I could see a terrible struggle going on inside her -between her "Christian duty" to bring this errant lamb to the fold of Christ's flock and her blatant determination that he not enter that fold on a path that led through the white church."

I often wonder if that kind of mentality still exists in today's white Christian. My hunch is, you can find many who are genuinely color blind and only see Christ in the eyes of fellow believers of colors. Nevertheless not all Christian are color blind. Many are comfortable to relate to people of colors as objects of mission endeavor or charity but not as equal brethrens worthy to serve in the church organization.

In an international church, there are micro communities cropping up along nationalities and racial lines. Together and yet deeply divided by suspicions, jealousy and differences. The Americans, the Koreans, the locals, the Europeans and others mix like water and oil. One is not part of the other's world. How sad our Lord must be at the state of the church.

Demi Moore

Bruce Willis used to be Demi's object of eros. Demi's love did not disappear or expire, instead, the love transform from eros to familial. Bruce is now the father of her children. He is still a big part of her family. But her object of eros is now Ashton. How can that be? Is it just a show or just for the children?

This thing about love

Is there such thing as everlasting love? Or is there a sell by date for love, even true love (Sumiko Tan, Strait Times, 18 November 2007). Or do we simply let love relationship fall into neglect? (Ushman, The Rug Merchant).

The Greek has 4 different names for love: familial love, friendship love, erotic love and godly love.
While many people lose the love, it's possible for love to transform from one type into another. The best is when love transform into an agape love, the Godly love, highest form of sacrificial and unselfish love.

However, would the human heart be able to find fulfillment with agape love? Can relationship between a man and a woman last in agape state? How about eros, love between a man and a woman? Don't everybody need a dose of erotic love to feed our addiction to dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine? Oh, give me some... dopamine, serotonin and and norepinephrine, that is.

Tepper Isn't Going Out

What an entertaining book. It's a story about a New Yorker and how his mundane life can change dramatically. So if you think your life is boring, read this book and you can hope that maybe something like what happened to Tepper will happen to you. I wonder whether someone so unaffected person truly exist.

Books

Have you ever been recommended by a friend to read a certain book? Over the years, I have had books shoved to my face literally. Many of them are spiritual books such as this Derek Prince book. I usually would try to refuse it first. If the person insisted, I'd then accept it. I'd give the book half an hour of my time. If within that half an hour, it failed to entice me to continue, I'd let it sit until the next time I saw the giver and returned it.

It is actually offensive, is it not, to tell a friend that one should read such and such spiritual book by actually shoving the book to one's hand? It reminds me of those tracts distributing Christians. Hey, you need this (because I don't think you have the holy spirit in you). Hey, read this to be saved (because I think you are on your way to hell). Hey, read this. It will make you a better person (which implies one is not good enough). Read it. You need it. It's good for your spiritual life which you have neglected. It also implies that the giver no longer need the book as he or she has already achieved whatever changes in one's life the book tries to accomplish.

It's how I felt when the book was given to me to bring home. It got me to wonder, whether distributing tracts directly to people is received negatively. Isn't it better to place the tract for people to find and peruse at the urging of the holy spirit?

Count your blessings

There are two missionaries I am personally familiar with. One serving in a village in West Africa. She lives in a place without electricity and relies on six solar panels that give her about 600 watt enough for her refrigerator and some lighting. She has no central heating for winter or air condition for summer. No TV and no telephone. Internet access is used sparingly because she is charged by the byte used. Food supply is not consistent. Life is very simple. Despite of this, she never complain and never broadcast her hardship. All this information I received from her after meticulous questioning. I was glad I spent time talking to her and God gave me the insight to ask the right questions to get the whole picture of how her life on the mission field is like.

Another missionary I know of is serving in Singapore. The family live in an upscale, centrally located condominium where only the expatriate and top 5% locals earning local salary can afford to stay. They have air conditioning that they use daily, cable TV and broadband internet access. They also bought a personal car which is considered a luxury item for the local as only 30% of the population own a car. And through all this I've heard numerous complaints about how much they have do make do and do without. One year, they complain that they cannot afford a real tree for Christmas as it costs as much one week's grocery for the whole family. Another time, they complain about how they have to deprive their children of a horseback ride because of cost.

Count your blessings. Stop complaining. It's unchristian.

The Rug Merchant

I am reading this book over again to harvest phrases and sentences that I found intriguing.
Here it is from The Rug Merchant by Meg Mullins:

"...they must have things on their minds. About their lives. Like all of us do, all the time. Just because you're working - even if your job is on the tarmac- doesn't mean you forget the rest of your life." Stella (pg 44)

"I like sad stories."
"Oh, no. You should change your taste. It is not good to have a thirst for sadness. ... You are young."
"Not cool. I don't like condescension. If you're going to lecture me ... at least be original."
"Sometimes the truth is not original at all ... I only meant that often it is true of youth that you do not think you will ever have you own sadness. But you will. This is without a doubt. And then you will regret that you ever enjoyed the sadness of others."
(pg 47)

It is as if she is not yet distrustful of others' pain. She is not yet afraid that her proximity to Ushman's misfortunes may burden her with some responsibility to him. This innocence is why, perhaps, Ushman has told her, in the middle of a crowded airport, what he has told no other American since he has come here. (pg 51)

Ushman has never felt that he understood when in life he should give up gracefully and when he should fight to the end. Tonight he decides that giving up is what he knows how best to do. (pg 64)

Like so many couples, they have carelessly shrugged their relationship from its bright newness into the territory of neglect. (pg 224)

He believes, in the moment of his joy, that this will protect him from ever feeling pain again. (pg 230)

"This is not love. Do not let the desire you feel now become an expectation of love. It would be a terrible thing. Forget these feelings. SOmeday you could be standing next to love, and if it does not feel like this, you will not recognize it. You will be disappointed . But love is not desire. Love is sacrifice. It is mathematical, not chemical." (pg 257)

The church: for the lost and lonely?

How do Christians greet one another? With a handshake most likely or a holy kiss if you are close to the person. What does a handshake convey? A lot apparently. During greet one another time, I shook a total of seven hands. Two of them were unsatisfactory and five just average. The average handshake will be when the other party will at least trained his or her eyes on me until the process of hand shaking is finished. Good morning is exchanged and no other exchange of information about one another. The unsatisfactory handshake usually is a distracted one, void of eye contact and done very reluctantly. One lady offered her hand but she was in such a hurry to greet the next person that she looked away as her hand touched mine. Another lady spotted a friend as she offered her hand to me that as the hand touched mine her eyes and mouth actually was communicating to someone across the pew.

How do you greet others in church? In the opening song, we sang ,"This is your house... where the lost and the lonely bring their burden and their care." Can the church really take care of the lost and the lonely who bring their burden and care? Not if each individual is so engrossed in their own little cliques that others are blatantly ignored or given the cold shoulder.

People I Found Hard to Respect

1. The class conscious elitist.
2. The one who think one race is more precious that another.
3. The one who practice double standard.
4. The one who expect special treatment and believe they deserve it.
5. The wimp who ran away from responsibility.
6. The intolerant.

Different Levels of Friendship

Do you have good enough friends you can call to help you move house or drive you to the airport and your request will not be seen as an imposition, in fact, if you don't impose upon them they will feel offended? My family have lived in Singapore for nine years now, I still have problem deciding who to put down for emergency contact person.

Sure I know a lot of people from church, from previous and current work place, and compatriots I met here. Relationship I developed over the past nine years are quite superficial in nature. Nothing like Jerry Seinfeld and his gang or Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Ross, Chandler and Joey.


This is my favourite song: You've gotta a friend

When you're down and troubled And you need some loving care And nothing, nothing is going right Close your eyes and think of me And soon I will be there To brighten up even your darkest night You just call out my name And you know wherever I am I'll come running to see you again Winter, spring, summer or fall All you have to do is call And I'll be there You've got a friend

I like the idea of having a friend so close that when I need her, with just a phone call, she will come running or flying (by commercial airline, of course). Sadly, such a friend is nowhere to be found or difficult to cultivate in modern Singapore. All is not lost, I have my husband and my children. I hope someday when my children live far away, they will consider running to be with me when I need them like a good friend.

Fortunately for Christians, we have an eternally true friend in Jesus. His friendship is guaranteed perfect. Here is another favourite song.

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

To be a person of influence

To be influential must be really nice. You get to steer situations to your liking. You can play around the components of the situation. In a church situation for example. If you are a person of influence, you can get your son selected to be a child reader. You can get the worship minister to include your daughter to show case her musical ability no matter how mediocre it is. Your grandchildren, all 5 of them, are in the pageant and one of them playing either Mary or Joseph.

How do you achieve a position of influence? One of the easiest way is through money. Financial contribution, especially a substantial one, can go a long way. Being useful and indispensable to the leadership is another sure thing. Contribute your time to the organization. But these require sacrifices of ones' money or time. The easiest way is to be a desirable company either by looking good, fashionable, and look pleasing or entertaining, funny, charming and excellent conversationalist. Having the correct lineage also help increases your influence. If your grandfather is one of the founding fathers of a school for instance, you stood a chance to be an influential PTA or e-parent member.

This reminds me to the verse "a gift opens the way for the giver" (Proverbs 18:16).

Also to Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence Others.

The above is a book I want my children to read. Lots of good tips on how to win friends and be influential.

Lesson From President Bush

Found in Strait Times, 4 September 2007, pg 19.

President Bush: "I cry a lot on God's shoulder."

"I try not to wear my worries on my sleeve. Self-pity is the worst thing that can happen to a presidency."

So often people indulge in self pity if not in our head then in front of close friends, cell group members, or any sympathetic ears. It is particularly nice to have people know of our plight. Things like the uncaring parents, mean siblings, self centered husbands/wives, ungrateful children, daughter in laws or son in laws who alienate us from our children and grandchildren, and others are favourite subjects.

However, we are called to unburden our load to God first, not others, because unburdening to others can have unwanted and disappointing effects. Our friends may not take it favourably. They may change their opinion on our person. And worst, we may become a stumbling block to an unbelievers or new believers.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

Wasted Lives

Two 19 year old freshman boys. Burnt in a car while on the way to meet friends. They were on vacation from college. One of the obituary contain this poem:

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn rain,
When you awake in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.

I can't imagine what it will do to me to lose a child so tragically. Will I go to the deep end. Will the pain bring me to have another period of doubting God's existence? Today I told my bible study group that trials and sufferings perfected our faith in God. Knowing that, will I willingly submit if God asks for one of my children as the price? I pray it will not come to that.

Mother Teresa

In Strait Times' August 27th 2007 edition, page 12, I spotted an article titled "Mother Teresa's letters reveal crises of faith." In her periods of doubt, she felt lonely, empty, tortured, pain and overcome by darkness. Considering the kind of poverty, misery and depravity she encountered every day, it's no wonder her battle lasted for so long. I hope in the end she regained her faith in God.

The life of those who lost faith is pitiful indeed. I can't imagine going through it over 50 years of your life even though, I believe, it may be a chronic ordeal thing for her. I had my period of doubt spanning for about 6 months which was precipitated by the death of a beloved aunt. I went crazy. Life lost its meaning. Depression was not too far off. If not for a visiting college professor, Dr Alvin Plantingga, I would not know how to find my faith in God again. This is what he said if my memory serves me well: that no amount of theological or philosophical defense of theism can bring anybody to faith for it is only by the work of the Holy Spirit that one come to Christ. Therefore, he advised, do not put out the spirit's fire which should be burning no matter how dimly in has become.

Negative

What does a negative sign do to a mathematical equation? It changes everything 180 degrees. What’s positive becomes negative and vice versa. Over the years, there is negative sign hovering in our lives, waiting for the right moment to paunch and reverse everything. It often happens when someone you trusted wholeheartedly lies to you. Or when a long held and hoped for promise is broken. When a hovering negative sign landed, one become confused and the need to reevaluate the past become an arduous and emotional task.

What is one to do when a negative sign landed in front of positive feelings you have stored with regard to a family member? It takes one wrong comment to destroy years of good relationship. Relationship between family members often is the most tenuous one. How does one remove the big ugly negative sign in our lives? Forgive and forget. Unfortunately, family is the hardest people to forgive. What to do then?

Ask for God’s mercy. Because it is only through God’s mercy forgiving others become possible. Unforgiveness is a sign of defeat. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21)

Poor Relation

It’s hard to be poor. It is hardest to be a poor relation. You are bound to take a beating time after time. During family photo taking, you, your spouse and your children will be relegated to the far corner of the picture, well away from the honorable centre, closest to the patriarch and matriarch. You are the last person acknowledged in family gatherings. Often, greeting is given just as an after thought. On wedding banquets, your table assignment reflects clearly your status as the poor relation. You are often seated with the host’s employees, way at the back of the function room. You receive the smallest and the least of value gift. Sometime, even a second hand gift is considered too good for you. In another word, you are given the scrap.

It is often said, the most valuable gift is the gift of time. When you are a poor relation, you are never given any time of the day. Even your gift offering of your time is considered an imposition. When your rich relations pass over your town, they won’t seek you unless you can be in service to them. As a poor relation, you are not entitled to feel hurt when wronged. “Don’t be too sensitive over such a small matter,” another rich relation will admonish you. When you are the poor relation, rich relatives, impositions are sent your way first. God forbid that they will trouble other rich relatives who has more resources to fulfill the need. Hence, a poor relation is often considered no more than servants at their beck and call. The poor relation is supposed to feel honored to be considered at all.

Know one's place

What does it mean to know one’s place? The obvious is to not initiate contact with those of higher position without valid reason. For example is an encounter between a well to do Indonesian condo residence and an Indonesian foreign worker. The worker felt emboldened to approach the wealthy Indonesian after overhearing Bahasa Indonesia spoken on passing. His only reason for contact was just to establish camaraderie obviously.

Little did he know that he is stepping out of social boundaries acceptable in Asian society where class, strata or position are determined by complex rules. Your net worth, type of housing, race, education and income is just a few obvious one. Individuals decide what mix of variables they will apply when they devise the class system. Some might consider education as the only supreme deciding factor. Yet for others one’s alma mater is more important. Some might choose a blend of education and type of housing. Being wealthy may not get you to your desired place because still others see only the age of the wealth that’s important. Like fine wine, the older the better. It’s no wonder it is not easy to form lasting friendship because of this mentality. The sense of being assessed is emanated during unofficial encounters. Position is mentally evaluated as one become richer or poorer, moves from one neighborhood to another, or attains a higher degree or higher position in the workplace. That position sometime is not a guaranteed one as the other party might move up faster than the other.

Because of this, relating to others is like embarking on a minefield. One wrong step can hurt and embarrassed a person. In this highly competitive world, it is natural to want to reach up. Many seek the connection to people from higher up in business, academic, government, and in a church organization as well.

Christians are not immune to this mentality. In addition to the usual pitfalls, in the church, the strata are also determined, to name a few, by level of church service, financial contribution, and very often outward spirituality (meaning the ability to explain the bible, locate bible verses and pray audibly with eloquence). Often though, status in church is determined by how close you are to the senior pastor’s inner circle. Christian brotherly love is dispensed of discriminately based on the strata making us a stumbling block to others.

Some of you may have the experience of being left out, slighted, looked upon as lower in status, forgotten, excluded, neglected, ignored, patronized, or forsaken. And you asked, “Where is the love?” Some of you choose to keep to yourselves and hence lead friendless and disconnected lives. The questions one should ask are these: Do you know your place? Have you overstepped the boundary? Have you act humbly, consider nothing of yourself and be of service to others? How gracious are you in overlooking others’ boundary overstepping offence and shower the person with unreserved Christian brotherly love?Where is the love? The bible says that we are to love one another because this love is our trade mark and selling point. If latest heart scan technology can determine how much and how well spread our love for others is, what will it say? All around love for all God’s creation or discriminating love dispensed only to only select few who are of the same position, same race, or just deserving?

Remember God’s greatest law? Love God and love others.