Honeymooner rental flat

I was reading an article in today's Sunday Times about a couple who temporarily rented government flat for low income people even though they don't seem to fit the profile of rental flat dweller who are usually older people, single mother, and destitute. They claim that they used to live with one of their parents and it's not working out any longer.

I believe, one of the reason why couples delayed getting married is housing problem. Many don't have saving for a down payment of a flat plus the cost of setting up a household. The idea of living with one of the parents are just off putting. Renting a condo is expensive. If the Singapore government want more young couples to get hitched, maybe it's a good idea to make government subsidized rental flat available for honeymooner for a period of one or two years of their married life so they can safe up for their own flat. Imagine you are a fresh graduate just beginning to work. Each of you make $2000-2500. How many years would it take to save up around $40,000 to $100,000 to set up your own household? At least 2 years depending on how much of your income you saved.

So, if the Singapore government want young people to marry earlier, sort out immediate housing issue so that planning a wedding doesn't have to take so long.

How black is Obama?

I have been watching the Democratic National Convention. It's very interesting although I am not an American. I kind of hope to capture some historic speech life as it is being delivered. But I found none comparable to Dr Martin Luther King Jr's "I have a dream" speech.
In one section, Senator Barack Obama's life story was presented. It strike me that he is so white after all. Here is what I mean. He was raised by his white mother with the support of his white grandparents and no doubt white extended relatives. It's not likely that he experienced the feeling of self doubt, low self esteem, despair, helplessness and anger toward prejudice and injustices that many African Americans who grow up in the inner-city experience. Yes, his skin color is black, but inside, he is white with a mindset, determination, positive attitude and ambition that are typical of the a white American middle class from the heartland. Obama himself practically said (may be not exactly in the following words) that his Kenyan father was just a sperm donor to him.
This does not mean that he had an easy childhood. I am sure it's not easy to be without a father and to be of different color skin from the rest of your family. I am sure he had to field a lot of questions regarding her parentage. May be that's what made him who he is: resilient, clever with his answers, good natured and all the rest.
It is not my intention to undermine the value of his candidacy in the American history. However, the wow factor would have been greater had he been a descendants of an African slave. America can't truly claim victory over its past yet. The debt to the slave descendants is still a specter from its past. It is not fully paid even if Obama is elected as the the next president.
This is my impression. Correct me if I am wrong.

Missing in translation

Singing English songs that have been poorly translated is such a let down. I often wonder whether it is possible to translate a song lyric without missing both the artistic value as well as its semantic value and still matched it with the melody.
In one song I sang last week, "I sing for joy at the work of your hand" is translated "kubersuka atas perbuatanmu" I think it should be "Kubersuka atas karya (atau ciptaan). Kubersuka atas perbuatanmu sound like what a parent will say to a child had done something good.

The digital age

What happen when a child of digital age encountered an old relic such as an analog video camera? He didn't know that it's disastrous to tape over a recording. The concept that once you tapped over, the previous recording is gone forever, was foreign to him. You see, with a digital video camera, the new video clip is never recorded over old ones. A new file is always created until the disk is full. Even then, the camera will not just record over.

After taping a 2 hours of IQ testing session with a teenager, I rewound the tape and left it unattended nearby to watch the news. Suddenly I heard my 11-year-old son shouted, I took a shot of you eating chips and watching TV mommy. The bottom of my stomach just dropped. I knew he tapped over my recording session. I lost some 10 seconds the rapport building part of the IQ test. It took me a while to explain to my son that he had almost obliterated my work. Of course once he understood what could have happened, he was very sorry.

I guess, I'll have to explain to my lecturers that my son ate my homework. A small part, but nevertheless, it's the critical part of IQ testing: gaining the cooperation of the client through rapport building. I hope the penalty will not be severe.

Unwanted Newspaper

In the place where I live, Today Paper (by Media Corps) and My Paper (by Singapore Press Holdings) are delivered free whether you want it or not. The papers are usually dropped off casually on the floor in front of your door. Some times they just strewn in front of the lift lobby. I have tried to contact the publisher to stop delivery of these unwanted items to no avail. I finally lodged a complaint to the condo manager and he instead asked the guard to relay a message to the delivery person. Since the unwanted paper still comes, I called the night guard myself and this is how the conversation went.

Myself : Hello, this is Mrs K___ from Block ___ Unit ___. Can you write down what I am going to tell you? Do you have paper and pencil? (There were noises indicating he was whispering to somebody)

Guard : Ya ya what is it mam?

Myself : Once again, my name is Mrs K___ from Block ___ Unit ___. Could you please tell the free news paper delivery person, that I do not want any free newspaper.

Guard : Ok mam no problem.

Myself : Did you write down what I said and my unit number?

Guard : Yes mam don't worry.

Myself : Could you please repeat what I just said?

Guard : (Sounding annoyed) That free paper, you want it. I'll tell them to give you. Don't worry lah.

Myself : NO NO NO! I do not want any free newspaper.

Guard : What mam? You dowan ah. All the paper.

Myself : NO NO NO! Only the free ones. I still want the one not free (Strait Times).

Guard : Ok mam, what your name mam?

Myself : Mrs K___

Guard : Your unit?

Myself : Block ___ unit 04-01

Guard : Unit 05-01

Myself : NO NO NO! Not 05. It's 04.

Guard : Oh 05-04

Myself : NO NO NO! Listen carefully its unit 04-01

Guard : Which block again mam?

Myself : Block ____

By the time I finished the phone call, needless to say I've woken up my husband and probably my neighbors. After all that, the papers continued to come. In the end, what I did was to wake up very early and intercepted the delivery man myself.

What am I trying to say here? I guess, if you want something to happen, you can't rely on others to make it happen. You gotta do it yourself. It's easier and faster.

Free Sunday morning: this and that

It's Sunday, and I am skipping the English worship at IBC. This the second time so far that I opted to skip going to IBC and go to GKY instead. It means I have one hour more time to read the whole Sunday paper, attend to my plants (not that they need much attending to, but I like to stop and look at them sometimes), read some blogs, play scramble and make blog post. The question is, is that pleasing to God. I'd be more sure of God's approval if I am using it for longer prayer, longer devotion time or writing encouraging emails to my missionary friends.

I used to spend my Sunday afternoon being an AWANA leader. AWANA will start again soon. I've decided not to return. Women Enrichment Ministry (WEM) at IBC will resume next week. I want to bring a friend to the WEM so I guess I'll still be a part of it till end of the year.

My extra one hour is finishing soon. Not much time really, but a lot of IBC happening missed out. My friend Susan Mai is supposed to give brief testimony on her mission work today (I'll get a personal and a more intimate testimony next week, so it's ok). This is the first Sunday before American School reopens, so many of my American friends are back again after a summer of home leave. This week is also AWANA registration week for kids and volunteers.

Hmmm... all this rambling is a bit like the experience of someone who has just going through a divorce, isn't it? I guess, in a way. After all, I'm trying to leave IBC, am I not?

Working mom vs stay at home mom

There has been some heated exchange at Strait Times' forum pages recently between stay at home moms and working moms. At the center of the exchange was workfare bonus given out by the Singapore government to working Singaporeans. Being left out from this periodic ang pao from the government was the stay at home moms. On one hand, stay at home moms felt that their sacrificial acts to raise future Singaporeans are not receiving a well deserved appreciation. On the other hand, the working moms felt that stay at home moms did not contribute to Singapore economy hence they did not deserve the workfare bonus. The exchange can be quite nasty sometimes with allegations thrown at each other. Working moms alleged stay at home moms squandered their education for something that can be outsourced to the maids. Stay at home moms of course baulked at the suggestion of letting their children be raised by foreign domestic helps who might impart the wrong values and incompetent in nurturing growing children's mind, body, and spirit.

These debate is so unnecessary. Being a stay at home mom or a working mom is a personal choice. There are many push and pull factors faced by each individual mom. Certainly, Singapore economy will not be sustainable if all working moms were to quit and stay at home. The impact of having so many of its young citizen raised by foreign domestic worker is still not known. What is a mom or mom to be suppose to do? Make your own choice based on what one can live with, and what will work for the family. And when you have to outsource child rearing, ensure close supervision and open communication with all parties.

All this will be less of an issue if Singapore corporate culture encourages flexi-work hours and job sharing so that more moms with school going children can opt to work part time. Sadly, part time job is almost non-existence. It's all or nothing.

What did I do? I got it both ways but not without biting some bullets though. You can't get your dream job if you only want to work part time in Singapore. You are stretched to the limit. You are doggoned tired every day. What do you get in return? Satisfaction that you had done what's best for your children and you also contribute to the family's finances.

Free gifts

This months I have refused to claim free gifts offered. OG department store often offered free gift of a pen. But is it really free? They ask you to collect the gift at a special table. At the table is a sales person making sales pitch on certain products. Usually before you can claim your free gift you have to listen to a brief sales pitch. The pen itself is not of a good quality.

When I was teaching, parents often gave gifts on Teachers' Day. I always suspected the extravagant gifts especially when it came from parent of a child with discipline and behavioral problems. It made me feel so cheap and bought. Usually these parents were more reticent in cooperating with teachers on discipline matters.

Sometimes parents' gift was in recognition and appreciation of extraordinary act of service I had rendered such as spending extra time in remedial lessons for the child. In this case, it was nice to have your hard work appreciated by this token.

Are there truly free gift in this world. Gifts that are given without expecting anything in return in any form? Yes, it is usually a gift given purely as expression of love or charitable gifts. The following are gifts I received in the past which were purely out of love:

• Mothers' Day cards made by my children when they were in preschool. I had helped my own students making Mothers' Day card, and I know first hand that these young kid's expression of love to their moms are at the purest and most innocent. They only wanted the best for their beloved mommies. Alas as they grew older, that blind devotion became nonexistent.
  
• Gifts received during courtship.
• A set of pearl earring and necklace my hubby bought while I was on a long visit to Indonesia. He said he missed me so much that he had to buy something to give upon my return.
• The gift of life paid by another's life: the gift of Jesus, paid in full even knowing that some may reject it and trample it on the ground.

Pander - 2

I'm still on the subject of pandering. I can't seem to let it drop it since several days ago. How about pandering to God? Can you pander to God. I think that's not a possibility if you believe in an infinitely benevolent God. I believe God will not want his children to pander. After all, God holds back nothing from us. There is no reason to pander. Whatever we do, it should be a pure expression of our love, gratitude and devotion. If despite of all God has given to us, we still display a pandering attitude, it is sad indeed.

I acknowledge, however, we are often influenced by our Asian heritage. In Asia, it is widely practiced to give offering to the gods to appease them so that no calamities befall those who give. Isn't that another form of pandering? This bring me back to the case of Cain and Abel. Did God rejected Cain's offering because of his pandering attitude?

What about pandering to one's husband or wife? I know of wives who pander to their husbands for a new Louis Vuitton/Channel handbags or jewelries. I also heard of husbands who pander to their wives with branded bags and jewelries for sexual gratification. In fact, many couples are still together because they dance to this tune so well. It's a give and take relationship they justified. Gifts giving and sexual intercourse which should be an expression of love become a token of exchange.

Life is full of pressures I suppose. There are pressures from parents, in laws, children, bosses, teachers and others. How are Christians to guard ourselves? By first offering our hearts to God sincerely and wholly, and the rest will fall into place.

The rules for Christian households given in Colossians 3:18-24 is summarized in verse 23 which reads "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."

On Strike for Christmas

I didn't get to write Christmas in July letters, but I found an entertaining book titled On Strike for Christmas by Sheila Roberts. It's about a group of women who felt their husbands took them for granted. These women refused to do anything to facilitate family Christmas celebration (American style of course). It reminds me of the time I went on strike myself and refused to cook as long as my family cannot fully appreciate other people's cooking. I must say it worked wonderfully in my household.

Panderer

Panderer is one of the word I found while playing scramble on facebook today. It meant "to cater to the lower tastes and desires of others" (American Heritage Dictionary). What kind of people pander? Politicians often pander to their constituency to get votes. Parents often pander to their children to get cooperation. Subordinates pander to the management to get the next promotion. Young adults pander to the wishes of a more controlling parents for extra spending money. Adults pander to their rich elderly relatives for bigger inheritance.

Pandering is such a negative term because it often involves sacrificing ones principles, ideals, and deviating from good practices. It also involves being insincere. A panderer personally benefits from the action, though may not always, but sometimes at the cost of others. Is it wrong to pander?

Is it wrong to play nice? Of course not. In fact it's rather smart, isn't it, to pander to the right person. But can you live with yourself after that? How about self respect?

Some people sometime take pride in sticking to their ideals and principles. Unfortunately, while doing so, they do it rather in disrespectful manner. It take someone very special to be able to play nice sincerely hoping make the other person happy even when at the cost sacrificing ones ideals.

Private Practice

Talking about the way of "the birds and the bees" is not always easy. My daughter and I have been watching TV together especially when she is watching program that's not rated G. By watching together I can tell her what's immoral, what's against Christian best practice, and what's not likely to happen in a real life relationship. We have been watching 4 episodes of Private Practice now. There are a lot of adult content in it so the rule is she is not to watch without me present. I am surprise that by watching together, I encountered quite a number of teachable moments. Since the TV brought it up, she's more receptive. Here are some of the issues.

• Basic woman health issues
• Abstinence and protection: any form of protection does not provide 100% coverage.
• Vaginismus
• Sexually transmitted diseases
  
• Teen pregnancy and teen sex
  
• Infatuation, obsession, and love
• Premarital sex
• Infertility
  

I hope the show continues to present a balance view, the good and the bad. If any of you had problem to start "the talk" with your children, the show can provide a good opening. Watch it together with your older kids and start talking.