Manual Not Included

This thing should come with user/owner manual. But it never did. What am I talking about? I am talking about children. New parents often are ill prepared. Sure, we are prepared to take care of the babies' physical needs from feeding, cleaning, and bathing. But how many of us are prepared to nurture the emotional need of a toddler, a preschooler, a school-age kids, a tweeny, and a teen?

I am a manual lover. When I buy a household appliances, I usually will read the whole manual so I know how to operate it properly. I am one of those parents who read "What To Expect While Expecting," "What to Expect the First Year," and "What to Expect the Toddlers' Years" books. I also read almost all parenting books by James Dobson, and Dr Spock. Despite being well read, by the time my children were 8 and 9, I realized what I read didn't prepare me completely. I still felt inept as a parent. Then I took 2 bible studies on parenting.

Being a parent is a highly dynamic experience. You are constantly on a learning journey and what you learned may not be applicable for the next phase because your children are growing and evolving. What are parents to do then?

Well, first of all, we need to be reminded that our children are not our possessions or tools to be used to serve our need. They are something that God lend us temporarily. We are to take a good care of them and not to spoil them. They are first and for most God's, and ours for the time being. God loves them more than we can and he has a purpose for our children's lives.

It turn out the bible has a lot of verses that can guide parents:

Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.”

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 11:18-19 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.

Proverbs 29:15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.

Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Here are the two guiding principle: we are to teach and discipline our children in the way of the Lord while at the same time be mindful not to embitter them and make them angry or discouraged. Sadly, the highly competitive world of our time, often turns parents into slave drivers who demand achievements and performances beyond what a child is capable of. Bible verses on disciplines are often misused. This often generates emotional, behavioral and relationship problems.

Sometimes I wonder, if to operate a car one needs a license, shouldn't being a parents be a license-controlled endeavor? Often a parent is sent to a parenting class only after the damaged is done and often the class is not sufficient enough in teaching how to undo the damage. Sigh ...