Some Morbid Thoughts

Thought of death was never far from my mind. Mostly I thought about how I would feel leaving behind the people I love, and also how I would feel meeting my God face to face.

Two years ago, my father-in-law passed away. It's interesting how death in the family brings people together. Relatives from all over the country came to pay their respect. Many of them had to take leave from work. Some left their businesses in the hands of assistants. Because of the death, I got to see relatives I haven't seen in more than 10 years. Some reluctantly let this interrupted their lives. Some genuinely came to be with us and offered supports. Friends of the family and of my father-in-law also came to the wake to offer condolences and to say good bye. Some did not come. The deceased's family were put on display. People were curious to see their old friend's offsprings.

Then there was the process of disposing the body. There was the newspaper obituary which cost Rp 8 millions (Sing$ 1,200). We bought a Rp 15 millions (Sing$ 2,500) casket with a glass top to house the body during the 3-day wake. On the day before the cremation, a casket decorator came to put fresh flowers and angels on top. The cost of the mid-range package for the flowers and dolls was Rp 2.5 millions (Sing $400). All of these were burnt the next day. Friends sent flowers and banners to express their condolences. We spent a total of Rp 50 millions (Sing$9,000) for the process which ended with the family and closest relatives taking a boat ride off the Java Sea to dispose of the ashes.

When an old person dies, how the children do the last rites is often associated with their sense of filial piety. The more filial the children are, the more lavish the spending.

I feel this is all absurd. If I were to die soon because of terminal illness or when I have reached the age of 80, I probably would want to have my last rites performed while I can still experience it. I will probably put up an impending death announcement that says:

"Will rest in peace in the near future, Fitriani (Aged 80). She will be hosting a dinner at the ... (restaurant) on ..... (date) to say good bye to her friends and families. No wake will be held in the event of her death. The family she will leave behind include .... P.S.: Gifts of flowers/wreaths are highly appreciated; however, cash donation will be donated to a designated church."

I want to see which of my old friends still remember me and curious about me. I want to be able to enjoy the $400 fresh flowers and the other flowers my friends will send me.

And when in the end I die, I will donate my body to the School of Medicine. My children will be relieved of all last rites duties. Nobody's lives will be interrupted because I die.

I know it's morbid. Absolutely morbid.